This is from my diary. It's dated Thursday, January 30, 2013.
A very emotional zone training for me today. I had been feeling a lot of pressure these days, and I didn't even realize that it had taken an emotional toll. I felt awful. Like a sinner without anyone around to help. Guilty and despised for it. Then, the zone leaders gave me a letter from my old roommate in Provo. She's wonderful. The letter she wrote me was wonderful, but, ungrateful as I am, I still felt hated and inadequate. Having the rest of the zone bustling around me, I put the letter to my eyes as tears were shed and prayed, "Heavenly Father, I can't do this. I can't feel good on my own. But I know that Thou lovest me. Please help me to do this Work. I'm going to pretend that apart from this letter, someone has just done something nice for me. And, even if it's only in my mind, please make it enough so that I can go on." Just then, my zone leader came over and handed me a package from my sister. Best tshirt with the greatest note inside. It was an instant, powerful evidence that the Lord was listening to me; that He loves me and was aware of my needs. "Okay, niña ingrata (ungrateful girl)," I thought. "There it is. You are loved. Be grateful, and go to work." I resolved to do better--to be better. I resolved to be strong. But just then the Lord showed me that He loves me more than I love me. My district leader called me over, really hushed and sketch seeming. With his back facing the rest of the zone, he quietly pulled a packet of cookies out of his backpack and handed them to me. "This is for you and your companion for your excellent work this week. You guys really did an amazing job." "Niña ingrata," I thought.
A very emotional zone training for me today. I had been feeling a lot of pressure these days, and I didn't even realize that it had taken an emotional toll. I felt awful. Like a sinner without anyone around to help. Guilty and despised for it. Then, the zone leaders gave me a letter from my old roommate in Provo. She's wonderful. The letter she wrote me was wonderful, but, ungrateful as I am, I still felt hated and inadequate. Having the rest of the zone bustling around me, I put the letter to my eyes as tears were shed and prayed, "Heavenly Father, I can't do this. I can't feel good on my own. But I know that Thou lovest me. Please help me to do this Work. I'm going to pretend that apart from this letter, someone has just done something nice for me. And, even if it's only in my mind, please make it enough so that I can go on." Just then, my zone leader came over and handed me a package from my sister. Best tshirt with the greatest note inside. It was an instant, powerful evidence that the Lord was listening to me; that He loves me and was aware of my needs. "Okay, niña ingrata (ungrateful girl)," I thought. "There it is. You are loved. Be grateful, and go to work." I resolved to do better--to be better. I resolved to be strong. But just then the Lord showed me that He loves me more than I love me. My district leader called me over, really hushed and sketch seeming. With his back facing the rest of the zone, he quietly pulled a packet of cookies out of his backpack and handed them to me. "This is for you and your companion for your excellent work this week. You guys really did an amazing job." "Niña ingrata," I thought.
